I work way too hard

Since starting my job at the hospital and LOVING it, I have realized that I work WAY too hard at the nursing home. There is WAY more prestige at saying I work at hospital and it feels like my work is much more important.

I see dead people

More often than I'd like, I experience death at work. It is usually a very peaceful event and a somber event. I have seen and taken care of these people for months and then one day, its over and they are gone. Oddly, I have no issue with the dead in this case. I wil stay with them when i can and hold their hands as they take their last breath. And when they are gone, I can be close to them. Why can't i go up to a casket?

The shit shift

It is becoming increasingly clear that midnights is the total shit shift. We are the most unappreciated and unrecognized shift. We get the crappy leftovers for nurses week, we don't get to participate in many of the contests, we don't get appreciated or recognized by the families...it sucks. I work hard, if not harder than the other shifts. I have the most patients, I run my ass off. I am part of shit shift...and sometimes it sucks. I just needed to vent.

I am human

I learned a few days ago that I am human and I will make mistakes. On Friday night, I accidentially gave too much medication to someone. It could have been extremely harmful. It could have been death, but fortunately for the patient and I nothing happened. Being human sucks, it is a harsh reality to realize that you are human and will fail sometimes. Its humilating to admit that you aren't superhuman and will make mistakes. It was the 1st time I have made a mistake of this caliber and I am sure that it will not be the last. Stop, learn and try not to make the same mistakes again.

Sour Cherry

I wish I had, had the forsight to say goodbye when I had the chance, but like most chances that pass you by, it was lost. I had a sneaking suspicion that sour cherry would likely not be around when I came back to work, but I didn't say good-bye. Maybe I was hoping in some subconcious way that she'd live forever.

People generally pass on my shift

It is proven research, that patients are more likely to expire on the midnight shift. Like I don't have enough to deal with? Why are the undertakers so creepy?

Vaseline is combustible

Who knew?! I just learned that you shouldn't put Vaseline on the nares of someone who is wearing oxygen, because it can become combustible. Oy, that could be bad. Glad to have learn that!

Hard knocks

So I have this woman at the facility now that is just difficult. She is consistently on the call light and a royal pain most of the time. When I first met her, I tried to give her the benefit if the doubt and was very accomodating, but now it is starting to wear on me. There are days when i feel like she believes that her call light is a morephine pump. She will ask about pain meds and when they are due on a consistent basis. I understand people are in pain and it is subjective, but it get so hard to believe sometimes. It is hard to be an objective nurse sometimes and it takes patience and a little hard bagaining. I hope that don't fizzle and become one of those bitter nurses who see everyone as a "drug seeker", because I am sure that there is some validity to their claims of pain. I need to find the line that is going to work for me.

The waiting game

Even though it is hard, it feels weird to wait for someone to pass. I have been waiting for a few days and feels awkward to think about it. Well last night it finally happened. My patient is finally with the Angels and no longer in pain. It was a long wait and I am sad. I wonder if I'll ever get used to this.

If you can't laugh, you'll cry

There are just days when you have to just laugh at the situation around you. Not so much because it is SO funny, but because if you didn't you'd have to cry somedays. On some random days, when giving report, I try and be a little funny. Like I'll say, so and so, talked my ear off last night and they are comatose, mostly to see if the person I am giving report to is listening. I have gotten a few people on this sometimes and the result is hysterical. I'll get a "really" or a look of total shock and disbelief, it cracks me up.

Words of wisdom

Well the time has finally come, all of this talk about our annual visit from "State" is finally taking place. Since I have started at this facility there has been buzz about our visit from State. I am worried. I feel like I kind of know what I am doing most of the time, but would I pass if someone were watching me?
I co-worker said "it's good that you are worried, it means that you care." It is SO true. It made me feel so much better. Hopefully they will come tonight and I can just get it over with.