Hard knocks

So I have this woman at the facility now that is just difficult. She is consistently on the call light and a royal pain most of the time. When I first met her, I tried to give her the benefit if the doubt and was very accomodating, but now it is starting to wear on me. There are days when i feel like she believes that her call light is a morephine pump. She will ask about pain meds and when they are due on a consistent basis. I understand people are in pain and it is subjective, but it get so hard to believe sometimes. It is hard to be an objective nurse sometimes and it takes patience and a little hard bagaining. I hope that don't fizzle and become one of those bitter nurses who see everyone as a "drug seeker", because I am sure that there is some validity to their claims of pain. I need to find the line that is going to work for me.

The waiting game

Even though it is hard, it feels weird to wait for someone to pass. I have been waiting for a few days and feels awkward to think about it. Well last night it finally happened. My patient is finally with the Angels and no longer in pain. It was a long wait and I am sad. I wonder if I'll ever get used to this.

If you can't laugh, you'll cry

There are just days when you have to just laugh at the situation around you. Not so much because it is SO funny, but because if you didn't you'd have to cry somedays. On some random days, when giving report, I try and be a little funny. Like I'll say, so and so, talked my ear off last night and they are comatose, mostly to see if the person I am giving report to is listening. I have gotten a few people on this sometimes and the result is hysterical. I'll get a "really" or a look of total shock and disbelief, it cracks me up.

Words of wisdom

Well the time has finally come, all of this talk about our annual visit from "State" is finally taking place. Since I have started at this facility there has been buzz about our visit from State. I am worried. I feel like I kind of know what I am doing most of the time, but would I pass if someone were watching me?
I co-worker said "it's good that you are worried, it means that you care." It is SO true. It made me feel so much better. Hopefully they will come tonight and I can just get it over with.

It is not something I'll ever get used to

Everytime someone passes, it is difficult. They could just be someone who I have only taken care of for a few days and it still hits me hard.
I had a patient die on Christmas Eve, well not techinically die on my watch per se, but even still. We I went in to check on them, it didn't look good. The sight of someone dead isn't something I think I'll ever get used to.
Why is it when we die, it is usually with our eyes open? Is there something that is symbolic about seeing the world as you know it for one last time? Ugh, it was tough weekend, filled with lots of death and dying at work.

Pile it on...I can take it

I know that this sounds terrible, but there are days when I just sucked at my job and couldn't handle it. If was terrible at what I did and couldn't get everything done, I might actually get some help. Instead, i run my butt off and get it all done with (minimal I might add) overtime. Granted I have probably only ever gotten out on time 3 times since i have worked there and usually have anywhere from a half and hour to 3 hours of over time everyday just to get things done. I have no idea what a normal 40 hour paycheck looks like...and I think should know what it looks like. Hopefully things will turn around soon.

Love for a lifetime...

Everyday there is this man who comes in to see his wife...everyday. It makes my heart melt. I want that!
There are days when she doesn't know who he is, but he comes faithfully. I admire him, I admire them. That is what true love is.